The Ex Factor

You're in a new relationship with the man of your dreams.

Things seem to be going reasonably well and it's developing into a serious relationship.

You feel you know him inside out already and you can tell him absolutely anything, no matter how embarrassing.

But when it comes to his past, are you really so sure about what's happened? About the little details that have made him the man he is today?

Childhoods are usually quite similar from man to man. His first football match, the stitches in arm after falling out of a tree.

These ice-breaking conversations or revisited memories throughout your relationship are pretty easy to get to grips with, in shaping him from a boy, to testosterone teen and finally to man.

Once a majority of happy memories from his earlier years have been covered, you seem to know him a little better. His likes and dislikes, heroes and hates.

But the part of his life that shapes him the most (and probably has a strong influence over your relationship) seems to be the nearer past - his past love life.

When (and if) you daringly decide to delve into the mysterious and controversial land of the 'ex', things suddenly seem to become more clouded than the open memories of his early years he shared with you.

It's unknown territory for us women, and it needs to be opened with care and consideration.

But how do you find out important details about his relationship with past girlfriends or notches in the bedpost without seeming nosey - or even paranoid?

When we do finally pluck up the courage to ask the simplistic question - "So why did things end?" we're usually greeted with the huge brick wall, "Oh, it's a long story" or even worse - "It's complicated".

This turns up this history heat, as us being women, naturally want to know all the juicy details.

Did you fall out of love? Did she leave you? Did you leave her? Did she develop a third nipple?

This then creates even more of a dilemma for us.

If a man opens up about his ex and pours his heart out, we become worried that he's still slightly in love with her. But if he tenses up and gives nothing away, we become suspicious that he was to blame for the bitter end.

When (and once again, if) we finally get a clear answer after much nagging and sifting, not only does this precious information give us that bit of closure on his last relationship and show us why he is how he is today, it also warns us what to steer clear from.

By knowing the bad parts of his relationship with his ex, we learn how to make our relationship with him stronger, avoiding all the bad traits and learning to become the perfect, ideal girlfriend he never had previously.

What he doesn't realise is that our nosiness is really a way to become the best girlfriend in the world, and treat him with all the love he deserves.

All he seems to want to know is how many men we've slept with. Easy, done in one go.

But if you've frolicked with half the men in town, and their brother - best to keep quiet..

In the style of Cosmopolitan/More